i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
