Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
