I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
