i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
