I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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