That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
