i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
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I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
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I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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