checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
