Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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