I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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