She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
