Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
