I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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