pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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