Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
