I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
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