omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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