i permit you to call me
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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