I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Randomize
