he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
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