i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
