Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
