he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
