your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
