btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
