i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
