Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
