Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
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I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
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I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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