Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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