Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
