There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Terrible idea I love it
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
