He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
