I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
