he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
