I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
