Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
