i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
