only if we run a train.
done.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
