He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
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My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
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If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I still have a little drunk in my system
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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