Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
