so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
