First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
