I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
