i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
i believe in u and ur pee
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
