i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
