2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
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