You made me cry and you don't even care
My sheets look like a crime scene.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
