Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
