were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
