Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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