I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I am one with the molecules
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
