The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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