She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
