Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
