i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
