I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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