My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
