we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
