first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
