thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Randomize
