There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
