Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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