How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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