Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
