He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
