Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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