Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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