I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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