If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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