you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
