That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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