at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
